so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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