chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
