We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
