I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
