The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
