you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
