she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
