So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
