She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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