im so drunk with asians
where?
always
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
