I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
