I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
is that a dick in a sweater?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
