Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
