...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
