I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
