You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
