after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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