I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
