My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
