The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
