I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
