True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
