He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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