yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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