Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Can I color on your dick again?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
