Can i not drive my cunt home
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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