We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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