If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my sisters under your porch take her home
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
