just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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