i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
