Got a toothbrush?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
