My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
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She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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