Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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