my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
