oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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