i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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