I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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