Porn is love you can see.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
