Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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