when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
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