Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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