did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
