never play flip cup with pint glasses
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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