ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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