Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
