she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
