This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
