Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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