Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
