The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
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I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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