I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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