Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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