I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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