Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
