My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Randomize
