So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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