I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
