it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
