i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
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Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
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I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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