just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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