i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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