you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
