I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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