My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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