Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
