Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
being pregnant is like rehab
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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