did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
