Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
My life is pants optional.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
