i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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