let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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