Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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