I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
