My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
