I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
