HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Did we literally take a cab across the street
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
