Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
