WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
