So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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