i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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