why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
