my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
