i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
